Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in arandomsock's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
10:35 pm	FLASH! BANG!! STEVE!!! Not much happening lately to be honest. Things have really slowed down. I blame exams. Havent been to Carluke for AGES, havent seen the band for AGES< havent seen any sign of nice chicks for AGES and havent really done anything madly exciting for AGES!!!!! I aint going into glasgow agen till after holidays either and this ma be the cause. OTherwise, thins are going generally good, except the quest, which has slowed to a halt due to lack of any nice women who have just a) had their eyes attacked and are blind, or B) who huv just had their guide dogs ran over. So none for Steve jsut now. But me n Hercules shal wait, oooh yes. Wonderful Steve Current Mood: Quite good Current Music: Really mixed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
8:15 pm	NEW STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the new story, its number does not matter, its just quite good. You wont enjoy this story if you dont KNOW Craig Seawright, commonly known as C-Rite or Tred. For those who dont, ask someone who does. If you cant, then a rough description would be: Small, Fat, Annoying, wears a cardigan, cheeky, 70's haircut, says *OCHT!!!! FUCKS SAKE!!!* and calls people gay a lot. Really deserves a beating. And possibly a good raping as well, but i'll shush about that for now. As for anything else, just read the story, its a bit self explanatory. Oh yeh, Crite SCOWLS!!!! ALL THE TIME!!!!!! So go on, then, spoil yourself: Planet of the C-Rites The mountain sits in the middle of a huge plain, stretching on forever. Atop it stands a solitary figure. Behind him are shadows, moving. More people, all of them shaped generally like him. Look into his face, a permanent scowl, as if he’s been done some great injustice. Float backwards and you will see the mountain fade, as you start to see the surface of the planet…. The face of the figure is that of the planet….a huge head, shaped into a permanent scowl, with what appears to be light brown hair at the top, huge eyes, closed with the scowl, nose screwed up in disgust at something. Keep flying back and you will see it revolving in a huge blackness…the darkness that is Space. Fly back even further, for what seems like hours, and you will see a tiny dot moving like what seems to be quickly, but is in fact past this. It is travelling at twice the speed of light. And it doesn’t want to. It is shaped like a penis…two huge round boosters at the back of it, a sort of shaft where the quarters are, and then a huge bulbous head. Look into the eye where the lasers are mounted. Inside it are a lot of frightened but also determined young adults, although their attitude would not show it. One of them is flying the ship, whilst another shouts and plays with his ear. One is going mad and shouting at someone who is lying in a corner, saying he cannot move because he has cut his finger. More people lie, generally all men, with the exception of about 5 girls, in a heap. They are fine, but are trying to keep down a huge beast of a man, who seems to be made entirely of fat and muscle. A door opens and someone walks in, someone round and jolly. He waddles up to the one flying it and shouts something in his ear, struggling to be heard over the huge earthquake that seems to be rocking the ship. Their engines are getting over-enthusiastic. Travelling at two times the speed of light and without any more control over their ship, they hurtle towards a planet shaped frighteningly like a head. A face. A face they all know…and fear. And occasionally laugh at. The one steering the ship is suddenly put off as the other one throws his hand in his face and ruffles his hair. The one flying shoves him away, but it is too late. All control is lost. The course is set, and they are heading, in a penis shaped very much like a penis, into the great ear of the planet. The one flying it raised an eyebrow. From here, it would seem the expression of the planet changed into shock and horror, slowly. And then the huge penis hurtled into his ear, followed by what sounded very much like: “AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH STORRY GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THERE!!!! AAAAAARRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!” Chapter One C-Rite stalked over the mountain. There was a huge shaft of light screaming through the sky. Atop the freckled nose the size of a giant moutain, he could make out nothing but a black shape and a trail of blazing white following it. He turned to his followers, who all looked remarkably like him, and grunted something that sounded like, “Tch OCHT!!!” His face screwed up and they all followed him as he walked, cardigan billowing, into the wind towards the huge shape sticking out of the great Ear Lake. Storry was the first to emerge from the ship, carrying two bodies with him. He grunted and threw them onto a heap of rocks. They screamed and then hit the ground with a thud. After them went pretty much everyone else, except for Paddy, who was a bit on the heavy and jolly side. They scampered apart, shouting things about whose hand was whose? And what is that in your pocket? They stood apart, looking around for a leader that wasn’t there. “Erm…” Began someone, who upon inspection was a rather tall boy with brown hair and a lack of concentration. “Where are we?” He asked. “How should I know you fanny! You were steering the heap of shite.” This was Dave. He fixed his hair and frowned at Steve. 14 years of hearing, “What? I cant hear you.” In reply to everything you say can do that to a person. “Right, everyone calm down!” Shouted a small, but not unheard, voice. Everyone looked now, and saw Igy, with dark purple hair and a temper that had earned him the nickname ‘ Psycho-Beast’. “Yeah! Calm down ya flangeta’s!” Bellowed another huge voice, which sounded as if it was constantly in a fight with itself. It probably was. Peoples view now fixed upon Storry. Not tall, but nonetheless BIG. He was probably the closest relative to the Gorilla amongst them, but he has a habit of hitting everyone so they all thought of him as a bit of a dick. He was also a farmer. Several other people clambered out of the wreckage, including some girls. In the end they had about 20 people on the rock. Steve, Dave, Igy, Storry, Chewitt, Paddy, Abbas, Scott, Ronan, Perry, Aidan, Martin, the OTHER Martyn, Frenchy, John, Howlie, Pie, Mark, Steff and Danni. There were probably some other people there, but they couldn’t be bothered going through everyone. Although, Storry could probably go through all of them in around 10 minutes, if he was really hungry. They sat around, waiting for someone to organise them. Eventually, Steve and Igy, who has been on top of a small crater , announced to everyone that they were in what appeared to be an ear. There was a lot of cliff-like terrain, but they had to reach the top before morning. They decided not to tell everyone about the growls they had heard. Storry walked up first, carrying a Plasma Gun from the space ship. There were only two left, but they had infinite ammo. Ronan had the other one. “Will I be getting to shoot things ya dick lickers?” “Probably, we don’t know. Keep your guard up though.” “Ok gay.” Storry stalked off ahead as everyone finished gathering food and such from the wreck and made after them. Below them was a huge lake, almost as big as Loch Ness. They clambered up the edge of the crater towards the edge that seemed to be far up and high in the distance. Night was closing in. Something moved near the bottom of the lake. It moved on three legs, one of which seemed to be solely developed for killing and gutting things. It had the shape of a human head, although it was scaly and had huge sharp teeth. As it swam powerfully towards the surface, catching a scent, its face almost appeared to from into a scowl… On top of the crater and with everyone moving forwards, Steve decided to take things into account. This planet was shaped very much like a face. They were in the left ear. He had recalled blotches on its skin near the cheek. If the ear was this huge, there was not chance they could make it out soon. They had to find shelter before dark, or they were in great danger. Howlie jogged up beside him, hoisting a backpack up onto his shoulders. He adjusted his hat. “Steve?” “What is it, Howlie?” “I think we’re being followed. You see…my Howlie Sense is tingling.” He pointed to a bulge in his trousers. Howlie was very open about erections. They predicted danger. Steve had a mental image of Howlie wanking in the middle of a fire, but then banished from his mind, closing his eyes and slapping himself. But Steve had to admit, he has heard something earlier. He had also heard a strange scraping in the bushes. Once he had thought he had seen something leap from one bush to another. And for a split second, he seen something covered in scales and fur, with three legs, two at the back and one huge fearsome one at the front, with a head shaped like a monkeys, and a scowl… The thing emerged from the lake, leaping quickly on its powerful back legs up onto one of the edges. If you think of the ear as a hole in the ground, it has a huge wall round it and smaller ones all the way up, curving this way and that. It leapt up onto the edge of one, and smelling its prey, leapt forward at a speed most would have thought impossible. The creature was maybe as large as a big dog, or a lion. It was one of the many vicious animals that lived out here, although it was generally found on the area in and around the Great Ear Lake. It scampered through the bushes, past a huge crater in the ground, and in the distance, it spotted a large group of small people. It scowled and leapt onwards… Steve stopped everyone. Howlie bumped into Pie, and although said it was an accident, most people don’t walk while thrusting. There really was no excuse. They had seen a cave and decided to stop. It was getting dark. They threw Chewitt in first, and after they seen that he had not been attacked or eaten, they all went in. It was not big, but they all clustered together and started a fire. Soon they were all sitting talking, bustling about the way people do. IT was not that far into the night when everyone was cuddled up and lying around the now huge fire, talking happily. That was when the scream came. It was not a human scream, they knew, it was the scream of an animal attacking. Looking to the edge of the cave and raising the Plasma Gun that had been lying at his feet, Storry seen a … thing… about the size of a lion actually JUMP in, with a huge claw at its front thrashing with a mind of its own. Storry was mesmerised. The thing landed and darted from side to side, opening its huge mouth, which was strangely human and, jumping at Storry it… Exploded. Storry fell backwards. Ronan was standing next to him, the Plasma Gun lying in his hands. The round had splattered bits of the beast everywhere, although comically the legs remained, smoking. They looked behind them to see that about three people had fainted, and Steve has tried to pick up a bit of the burning fire, but picked up the wrong end and burned his hand. He was jumping about swearing. The mood went from them all. No-one slept at all that night. C-Rite moved his clan of around 150 people forward. Beneath their crude cardigans were primitive guns. But that doesn’t mean it was ok to get shot by them. Some also carried long, vicious spears with what looked like a dildo made of wood on the end of them. They were all scowling, even more so when they saw the lip of the cave. C-Rite knew the smell of death, and also knew the smell of danger. They were both here. But he was backed by his tribe, and whatever had died…was still dead. Bracing himself, he walked into the cave, with about 20 raised pistols went in behind him too. Igy looked around. No-one was watching. He leaned back slightly and sighed as he had a much anticipated piss. Something moved behind him. He spun round, willy out, and still pissing, and raised a stick off the ground. There was a quite whine as a small jungle monkey ran away, covered in piss and quite frightened. Igy was about to zip up when he heard another sound…more sinister. It was someone shouting: “TCH-OCHT!!!!” Followed by a gun shot. Igy didn’t think. He picked up the stick and crept back to the cave entrance. There was someone standing, backed up by what appeared to be 200 other people, who all looked like him. They all had 70’s hair cuts and wore cardigans. One of them was pointing a gun at Pie’s chest. Pie was smiling as if he was genuinely pleased to meet this man. Everyone was clusted behind Pie looking expecting. No-one was hurt. Igy had to do something. He raised the stick and smacked one of them over the head. There was nothing but a dull thud, and the man fell over. Igy caught him and dragged him into a hedge. Keep them talking, Pie, he thought as he pulled on the cardigan and covered his head, stalking forward. He walked calmly to the leader pointing the gun at Pie, and tapped him on the shoulder. As the leader turned around, he noticed two things. One was that here was a tribe member who looked entirely different. This boggled him almost as much as the next thing did. Igy still had his penis out. And it was this the leader was focusing on as Igy pulled out a gun, pressed it to his head, and splattered his brains against the cave wall. Pie leapt forwards, ordering everyone to link hands. They did just as, in the confusion, several people struggled to pull out guns. A shot ran out and bounced off the cave roof, splattering into the dirt. There was a flash and suddenly they were somewhere else. Pie was standing, looking a bit frazzled. Otherwise everyone was ok. Steve looked around. He turned to Pie. “Ok, where are we?” All around them was nothing. Nothing except dirt that was a strange shade of pink, covered in huge blotches of brown. Steve almost laughed. Freckles. “We are excatly two miles away from danger,” Said Pie, “You see, I am in fact a ninja. I have Ninja powers, that include getting out of danger. Now we must make camp and get some rest, before we set out and look for a way off this planet.” “Oh.” Said Steve. He was quite unsure of what to say. “Right, lets all agree on one thing.” Said a small, femenine voice. Everoyone turned and looked at Danni. “I think the women should wait here while you go and get help.” “Ok.” Said everyone. So Frenchy, Danni and Steff sat around a fire with a tent pitched and some food. Meanwhile the guys set off. Howlie walked in front. Suddenly he stopped. “STEVE!!!!” He cried. “What!?” Yelled Steve. “I think I know how to get home!!” Steve looked at him expectantly. “Right, if we can FIND a village where these people live, they might have a plane or something, or maybe a space port. And we can get home!” “Amazing idea, how will we find it?” Asked Dave. Howlie concentrated and the bulge in his trousers grew…it pointed a way it shouldn’t. “Follow it!” He said. They turned and stalked away after the penis, which was pointing straight now. Steve thought he has seen it all. Twice in the last hour that belief had been shattered completely. Make that three, he thought as he walked over the horizon and something he had never even thought of happening…happened. Chapter Two Lord Chin Chin sat upon his throne. He was in a room made of a sort of watery liquid substance not unlike ice. He was in a huge palace mounted on one of the huge Eyes. In the middle, to be precise. His cardigan spilled down to his knees. The door opened and a servant rushed in brandishing a piece of paper as if it was on fire. “My Lord! You must read this message quickly!” He thrust the paper into the Lords waiting hand. Lord Chin Chins eyes scanned over it quickly. He screwed up his face. “T’COH!! FUCKS SAKE!!!!” He slammed the paper down so hard that his glasses jiggled. The report read that the leader of the western tribe had been killed by people from outer space, and those people were heading towards the palace right now. The Lord wrote something down and sent it back. He had wrote the order for an attack. Howlie sat down, he was exhausted. “Whats wrong Howlie?” Asked Steve. “You keep spelling my name wrong that’s what!” So Steve agreed to stop it. “Well then Howley, whats wrong now?” So Howlie explained that his penis had drained too much blood and he was tired. So they all emptied their backpacks and set about making a camp. They could head for this City in the morning. To their back was a huge forest of blonde and darker hairs. The Eyebrow, he supposed. To their front was a huge dip, and then a huge rise, there were huge pillars of black which tipped into spikes…and then the eye. It was huge beyond imagining. The City took up the entire black bit, and was at least 16 miles wide. To their left, Martin stood up to get a better look at things. There was a whistling noise and then he sort of swayed. No-one else noticed the gaping hole in his chest. He fell to his knees, then the ground, shouting something about milkshakes. Mark began to laugh before the same fate was brought to him. By now people were noticing and scrambling for cover. Suddenly several things which had looked like blobs in the sky descended on them, exploding as they hit the ground and turning into 10 C-Warriors. They held the most feared weapon ever, the C-Sword. Pie, being a ninja, and Howley, having an erection, were first to react. They dived for the nearest C-Warrior, of whom there were about 50, and Pie held him down whilst Howley shoved his dick in his eye. It penetrated his brain and killed him. They set about the other ones. Steve stumbled through the melee, watching as Perry and Aidan bet one C-Warrior to the ground with sticks and virginity. Ronan and Dave had taken off their shoes and were attacking three C-Warriors. Steve was suddenly leapt on and only had time to glimpse the shine of steel against the sun before he leapt to the side, dodging a blow that would have killed him. With a single punch he broke the C-Warriors glasses. The C-Warrior shouted, “FUCKS SAKE!!!!” And started to cry. Steve screamed to the other people, “BREAK THEIR GLASSES!!!!!!!!!!!” The C-Warriors, who were starting to get the better of them, suddenly turned in horror, their mouths wide open. Steve witnessed many unique approaches to breaking the glasses. For example, Abbas and Paddy and Igy were using their hands and feet, whilst Perry and Aidan threw rocks at them. Martyn banged two of their heads together, and Dave and Ronan took down another few with their shoes. Pie roared and unleashed his Wind-Milf attack, and suddenly all the C-Warriors glasses shattered. They sank to the ground, weeping gently, after an anguished cry of, “T’COH!!!! FUCKS SAKE!!!!” Then, when they were on the ground, they were at the complete mercy of everyone else. They were simply lined up to be brutally kicked in the head. Soon, dead bodies surrounded them. Martin and Mark and Chewit and Scott had died in the fighting. Miles away, in C-City, there was an anguished cry of, “T’COH!!!! FUCKS SAKE!! THAT’S FUCKING GAY!!!!!” He scowled. At that moment, every C-Rite on the planet sensed it, and scowled too. United, they began to tele-port into the city, until there was a gigantic army of them. All of them…Scowling. Howlie used his Penis-Future-Seeing powers to tell everyone that there was in fact a Space port in the city. It was in the very, very centre, and was in the middle of the palace. There would be a button, and then they must board the Palaces emergency escape rocket…and be free at last. They took stock of any weapons they could find, eventually picking up blunt rocks and sticks for their Spec-Wrecking abilities, and they set off for C-City….. Chapter 3 At this moment in time, a very unlikely event began to happen. The universe, see, is so big that it could contain EVERYTHING. Even a planet shaped like C-Rites head. And so eventually, it WILL contain everything. It also contained a huge asteroid, about half the size of the Planet of Crite, which was shaped strangely like a fist. It had the words: FROM STORRY YA FLANGES!!! Written on its knuckles. It headed at immense amounts of speed for the Planet. It was at least 20 minutes away, probably less. And it was heading for what would appear the Nose of the Planet of the Crites… Steve and Dave stood at the entrance to the city, looking up at fucking huge gates of pure steel. Steve noticed some strange symbols on them but nothing happened when he touched them. Suddenly Dave was overcome with temptation and started to sing a song about Steve, involving his mother, a cheese toastie and sexual contact. Suddenly the gate shifted a bit, then creaked open at such speed that it almost killed Steve and Dave. They jumped out the way just as everyone else looked out to see what was happening. Beyond the gate was… Nothing. Another gate. Steve swore. The fortress probably had two gates to slow down attackers. Howlie and a few other people tried kicking the other gate but to no success. Perry hit it with a shoe, Igy went mad at it, Mark did a shit on it….nothing. Then Pie walked forward and looked at the gate and made a signal with his hand. The gate creaked open, then flung itself open again, this time throwing Aidan half a mile away and killing him. They all peeked in and saw what lay behind THIS gate… There was a street. The buildings were about 2 stories high and the street was, just a bit…bent. But no one noticed this, because the street was packed with C-Warriors. One of them, with a very 70’s haircut, walked forward and screamed at them. “Shut up before I break your glasses,” Said Howlie. But Dave looked astounded…. “Its….” He almost choked. Story let go and Dave could breathe again. Then he went on, “It’s the second in command…..Tred Head!!!” “AAAAAAAHHHHHH” Screamed Steve, but just because it felt good. Ronan jumped up and down with his arms out, Howlie break-danced, Pie did some Ninja moves, Igy decided to play tig, Mark decided to start playing drums on Steves head, Steve didn’t notice because he was watching Dave do cartwheels. Then it all stopped as the C-Warriors…charged. Paddy was beheaded in the first moment because he was too busy holding his eye that someone has just toe kicked. The C-Warriors started hacking him on the ground till he was dead. He went down laughing at their faces. Igy and Ronan and Dave stood next to each other as about 15 C-Warriors crashed into them. Dave and Ronan swung Igy like a club, breaking 3 pairs of glasses, and the rest tripped over their weeping comrades. This enabled everyone to surround and kill the 15 C-Warriors. That still left about 200 odd others. Some C-Warriors had Tred Guns, and three of them fired at Mark, and reduced him to a smoldering pile of shite. Perry and Martyn leapt onto a C-Warrior and started pulling his ears and breaking his glasses. His flailing arms took down another 2 C-Warriors. Story kept firing till the Plasma Fucking Million Bore Gun overheated and exploded, taking his face off in a flurry of laughter. Suddenly Howlie hoisted Pie in the air and Pie yelled, “HAW!!! YOU FAT DICKS! AYE!!!” The C-Warriors stopped, puzzled. They didn’t know how to respond to threats. One of them said hopefully, “FUCKS SAKE!!! YOUR GAY!!” Pie shot lasers from his nipples and destroyed him. The C-Warriors slowly started to back away and bit, saying that they got the wrong idea and apologising. Soon the street was empty apart from about 30 dead C-Warriors and a few other people. Pie led the way to the centre of the city… Chapter 4 Lord Chin Chin screamed and cried and nothing happened. He was extremely upset. These fannies had destroyed his army completely and were heading towards him. He picked up a phone. “Hello!” Said a gruff, masculine voice on the other end. “Erm...Hey, its Craig.” “Hey, what do you want!?” “Well…….I’m getting bullied, can you come and sort them out for me?” “NO PROBLEM!!!” And the line went dead. Where would Crite be without Yvonne. They were about a mile into the deserted City when it happened. First the ground shook, then the sun went out. Everyone looked up and all but a few screamed. A huge boot landed on a house, easily as big as three of those houses. They looked up and saw a huge muscled leg with jeans, and then a belt, and then a huge upper body tipped with a head that looked like a Crite but with less testosterone. Only Storry and Howlie didn’t scream. They knew Yvonne. With a great roar, Yvonne brought a fist crashing down into the people below. Perrys scream was cut short as it flattened him. “RUN!!!” Cried Storry. They had to get off the planet now. Pie led the way towards the centre, which was looking ahead of them now. The walls were coming into view. Suddenly there was another roar, and a huge boot crashed down in front of them. Steve scrambled away, narrowly escaping death again. Storry stopped. Everyone turned around. “Keep going, I’ll stall her here.” Everyone nodded and sprinted off. Storry let his trousers dropped, and turned around… Steve kept running, slipping occasionally. Then he heard it. A huge thundercrack splitting the sky asunder. IT was something of biblical proportions, and as they all turned around, they saw Yvonne clutching her nose as a huge wave of SOMETHING tore into her face. The air shimmered and they realised what Storry had done. He had farted on her. Poor Yvonne. Yvonne stumbled backwards before regaining her balance. The battle raged on between her and Storry as more farts tore into her, and she repeatedly tried to stand on Storry, to no avail. They turned and kept running. Soon, they reached the palace wall. Pie uttered something and the wall simply fell over. He was so laid back that walls just fell over before him. Howlie almost tripped up, but his penis stuck into the ground and instead he pole vaulted up to the highest section of the palace. It was now raining, the sky was grey. Howlie yelled something down at them, and Steve instantly replied, “Whiiiiiiit?” “I SAID!!!! THERES A SPACE SHIP UP HERE!! CMON!!!!” “HOW WILL WE GET UP!!!?” Asked Dave, Howlie pointed to a huge set of ladders. They started climbing. Steve was at the top just in time… As Steve pulled himself over the edge, Howlie screamed. At the other edge of the roof was a small, fat figure in a billowing cardigan. Far off, another thundercrack tore into the wind, and Yvonne let out a deep, low grumble of annoyance. IT was Chin Chin, the great C-King. He was mounted on a C-Horse, and had a Tred Gun. He pointed it at Howlie and fired… The aftermath of what happened next is rather too complicated to explain, but nonetheless… Far off, Storry had accidentally followed through. His shite, uncontested out there, smacked off Yvonne, stunning her momentarily, and ricocheted off towards the palace roof. This was EXACTLY why, as Chin Chin fired, there was a huge explosion of Shite, which left Howlie and Steve untouched but knocked Chin Chin off his C-Horse. When the smoke cleared, Steve and Howlie tackled him, then pinched their nose and threw him off the edge of the building. He died screaming something about Slim Fast. Howlie and Steve looked towards the Space Ship, and then everyone who had survived. Howlie, Steve, Igy, Dave, Ronan and Pie. Everoyne was dead, probably Storry too. Then there was Steff, Danni and Frenchy to pick up. They climbed aboard the space ship, and set down in seats designed for someone twice their berth. Steve rocketed the space ship into the sky. That was when he seen the glasses. They were so clear it could have been a haze, but if they had just left the eye , they were about to crash into the glasses. Steve had a thought. If the Crites all died when their glasses were broke, maybe the same went for the planet? He found the button for rockets and fired all the spaceship had at the film of glass. There was a huge crack and a small hole, just big enough for the space ship to fly through opened. They screamed as they passes through it and out into the clear sky. Steve flew it very low to the ground and about three minutes later they had picked up the girls. Steve set a course for Earth and they lay back and had a laugh and got drunk and then all went to sleep. They were asleep early, so none of them even noticed a huge, fist shaped asteroid flying by at an amazing speed. There was a gigantic scream of terror in the sky as the meteor about half the size of the planet burst through the atmosphere. Storry, perched on Yvonnes head with a stick, stopped hitting her with it. In fact Yvonne pasued too. And it was by complete coincidence that the fist shaped asteroid hit her square in the face. But it didn’t matter. Because two seconds later, the entire planet was nothing but dust. Seen from space, people would have said they seen the planets expression change into fear and helplessness a moment before the asteroid hit. And then a rather fat, farmerish boy floating through space, and laughing quite a lot. Final Part They landed on Earth just fine. Two days later Storry crashed into the Meditatarean, destroying several fishing villages and destroying all wild life in the ocean. But everyone, except those that were dead, was safe. Later that day, they discovered that Pie, being very laid back and cool, could bring back the dead. So he did, and there was much rejoicing. And everyone was happy. Except C-Rite. In some corner of the galaxy, he sits..and feasts, and plans his revenge…… The End. Fucks Sake. Current Mood: Authorish Current Music: Anything really (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 1st, 2005
3:59 pm	FLASH!!! FLASH!! AND THEN THERE WAS STEVE!!!! Planet of the C-Rites is nearing completion by the day, its my new story. Shall be posted on here before long im guessing. Glasgow last week was rather amazing, spent the day with people i hardly knew which was in its own way rather cool, they talked a lot about shagging midgets. We followed the central station BOSS around *His name is King Milf* When he turned around we bowed and he went a bit mental..... Left central :D Met Jethro, who should have his own country, hes fucking hilarious. His version of Land of the Dead goes like: Shite Zombie: Uuhhh..... Black Zombie: Uhhhh....NoOuuuh!!!!!! Like this! *And fires gun.* He's rather funny. WEnt to pictures, found out that the Transporter wasnt on till.... 8, so i went home with Dave. Also wore my new scarf, which is rather great :D. Steve likes Scarfs. Then i saw frenchy, and in sign language she said she wanted to make snowballs. But on reflection, she was telling me she liked my scarf. Rather good week. May get better this satruday, depending on wether my senile menpuausic mother lets me go. Farewell people Current Mood: AMAZIN :D:D:D Current Music: An old Who song. rather good. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
4:15 pm	Random update Well this has been....interesting. I always say that hahaha. So: I am planning another new story.....such as a one off. IT shall be called: Plant of the Crites. If you dont KNOW craig Seawright, he is a small, rather pudgy boy, who is cheeky as fuck and will get hit one day. HE screws up his face if he doesnt get his own way and says *OCHT!* and lot. This is about his planet, and all of my friends crashing into it. IT should be rather amusing. I shall post it wen it is done. Oh and emma showed me this personality test which i thought was AMAZING cos it was really accurate and everythin. Emma is cool. In other news, me n emma are friends agen, which is awesome :D and also amzing at the same time. Quest wise, its been a rather good week. The Quest proceeds well, and i suppose SOME people will know why, but im not going into it. Oh and i am now called Uncle Steve. Scuba is still ther, but its now Uncle Scuba Steve. I am everyone uncle. Like Uncle Ben , without all that unnecessary Rice. Bid Thee Farewell Current Mood: AMAZING!!!!! Current Music: Blink generally (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 10th, 2005
6:08 pm	MUM WAS RITE!!! If ur mother tells u that women only bring misery, she could actually be right. Last few day, a huge fucking shite heap of interesting things. For a start, Taste of Chaos was amazin, ad i mean fucking amazin. Altho steve has been let down by chicks yet agen, but il get over it. in other news, i almost got killed at TOC lmao, i was tryin to get out of the crowd before KIllswitch began, but then noticed i was in the middle of a pit. Too late. Killswitch came on, steve ran for it. Made it out alve. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 5th, 2005
10:00 pm	GIG!!!! Aaah yes. The gig is finished. And it kicked ass. Lots of ass. Probably even various kinds of ass, like badger ass and so on, but lets not go into that. Literally. Well...started the day at school with janie and the like telling me it was my gig the day in case i had forgot, which i probably would, knowing me. So, day at school finished surpisingly well, and i went home, got changed, got geetar and shit sorted.... and broke two strings on it. Thank fuck i hadnt taked it to the gig. So.....i went to aidans house, and i got a shot of his wee brothers guitar, which was quite good, but as in tune as a hamster on speed trying to do buddhism. So, tuned it, and then me, martyn, martin, aidan and ronan and liam went to Street Level. Although if they wernt in the band, they wernt allowed in. Shite. SO they went and did shit, while we all got ready. I spent lots of time jumping around telling everyone how excited i was, even Phil, the guy in charge. Then Hooch, our amazing drummer, came along, and i helped him in wi cymbals and shit. So then we were all set up and me and martyn hears noises from the door. We go outside, and lo and behold, the first face i see is that of Mark, screaming *HANNAH!!!!!!!!!!!! HI!!!!!!!!!* SOOO that aside, everyone was like *woo thats steve and i know him* or *woo thats martyn and his hat is better than mine.* So we went back in, and then after five minutes of cartwheeling, everyone came in. We practised, went over the songs. We were ready. So everyone filed into the hall, until it was packed :D. I think street level was sold out. Big fucking score. So we started without any words of hellos. We just played Dammit, which everyone appreciated. Then Aidan sed hi to everyone and Liam came up to tell Ali, in front of everyone, that he fucks guys. Ali went bright red, i laughed a lot, and we played Cant Repeat. WEnt down well, except i could see Bobby cursing my overuse of powerchords in exchange for playing Hardcore. But then again he thinks badgers have nice bums, and its obvious they dont. They have AIDS Bums. I would know. So we then played All The Small Things, i wanted to dedicate it to Alis penis. BUt i wasnt allowed. Damn. OR even Dammit, hahahaha. Anyway. Ahem. We played it, went down good. Then we played Give it All, where liam helped the singing, which he is fucking amazing at, thanks man. So i went into the crowd for the next song, becuase its The Whore Song and i dont play during it. THen my guitar fell over once i left it, but Jesus picked it up, seriously. His name is jesus. Honest. Lol. So then i went back on set, ready for aidan so say goodbye to everyone. Then disaster struck. We promised Hooch we would play one song he liked, as a gift from us, cos he saved the gig. But alas......he picked American Idiot. I refused to play at first, then picked up three chords and played them. It was a disaster, but a fucking funny one. IT all ended in good spirits as Hooch was laughing at my lack of knowledge of the song . *we wernt meant to be playing it see?* So everyone knew it was a pisstake. I left the place, to the little bar area, where numerous people went *STEVE!!!!* And cuddled me. Howlie, when asked what he thought of the gig, replied *there should have been more Steve.* Cant blame him lol. Not sure Africa would say that. SO gig went fucking amazing, left with a smile on my face :D, and £10. So, outside, we said goodbyes, and i went home. Good night. TO make it all better, i discovered that Emma, who has not made it to the gig :( Was going to glasgow. I seen her there today, but i only got to cuddle her *my god shes cuddly :D* and talk to her about boobies. Which was cool. I seen her later in Central waiting to go home, and thougt *rite, il wait around wi her until its time for her to go, then il pull her at the last moment.* BUt alas, she went to toilet, and everyone left!!!!!:O!!!! So i had to leave with them. Damnation and baws. So apart from that good little bit, today was utter shite, hardly anyone in, hardly anything being DONE, hardly anyting good. And now im tired as fuck. Bed time. BYe bye everyone, The quest may be nearing its first major breakthrough. Current Mood: AMAZIN Current Music: Tip the Scales - Rise Against (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 3rd, 2005
8:09 pm	NEARING THE GIG OF DESTINY! The gig is TOMORROW!!!! I have everything sorted, and this is going to be fucking amazin. All my friends are going, its going to be fucking packed, my band is supportin Missin A Bit, whom are shite if i hear rite, and then we are palying a rather good set :D, altho i am annoyed about the TWO blink songs, it will be amazin. Mark has agreed to come and throw pants at us hopefully female pants. Tell u all bout it the morra :D. Current Mood: Nervous but Excited Current Music: MY OWN (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 30th, 2005
11:04 am	Pirates and Pineapples Well, this was fecking eventful, as the quest has been stalled for a while to allow for some catchup time. Catty last ntie and tho my nazi mother made me leave early, it was fucking amazin. Remembering correctly, everyone was dressed up, myself as a pirate, with big rosy cheeks. Kev has some pics ad i may post them laster if i can get them. Weekly Objective : Get off with a Pineapple Achieved. Amazin fun, the punk floor was open agan, and i almso forgot my bag, but someone shood hav brought it home for me cos i got them to via fone and text and shit. So happy days are upon us once more. Current Mood: Amazin Current Music: Anything (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
12:55 pm	Past few days Over the past few days not much interesting hasa happened. the days generally consisted of me, ronan and dave hanging about saying how much i needed to throw my black zipper out, although it technically isnt a zipper, cos zippers can zip up and the zip on this one was broken. we ended up setting fire to it. We do that a lot. So then i was annoyed cos everyone went somewhere without telling me, and i ended up going to Daves band practice with Ronan, which ended up with me playing dodgeball with igy n chris n some lassies fi ma school who kept cuddling me cos apparently im warm :S. watever lol, its a tough life being Steve. So then i was annoye about something else and say and has a good long think about shit. And becuase im Honest Steve i shall tell u wat i thought exactly. I thought rite, il see how things go wi frenchy but all in all it aint looking good, sadly, but until it goes away, il keep options open, and one of two things will happen, either me n her will end up goin out agen, which will be happy n shit, OR we'll just drift apart, become alrite friends, not talk wen we see each other even tho we SAY we will, and forget about each other, il go home, listen to Pieces *by sum 41 * a few times, get upset, get over it, and then go back to normal, an find someone else. Altho there is another problem here in that they may not be as amazin as frenchy. And it seems like its all her fault, but its NOT really. So il see how tings go and i cant be bothered writing that into a quest thing lol, but now Dave and that Jenni lassy wi the Hat has joined the quest. Emotional Times, Steve Current Mood: Happy but Annoyed Current Music: Enter Sandman, Metallica (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 13th, 2005
3:53 pm	Bad Day Quest Day 4 The Quest was stoppe momentarily by a fucking huge battle. Whilst the rest of my army camped out in random nearby school buildings, i was at a school of my own. IT was a very bad day. For a start, i had been issued with orders to meet The Evil Guidance Teacher of Doom for an interview. I forgot AGAIN because the evil JUDAS obviously cast a curse on me when i was born, that i would forget all that was important. So i was on shite again, and then i was in ENGLISH, where we learn to talk without dribbling. In ther, i got in shite for NOT handing in an important essay after THREE days and got treatened with doughnuts. THen i get home, tinking *THANK FUCK THAT DAY IS OVER* and then i find out that i have left my jacket somewhere in school. Silly Fucking Steve. I hate my memory, actually fucking hate it. BUT thank FUCK i hadnt wore my brace that morning or i would actually have ran away from home for fear of what my mum would have done. Bad Day, quite simply. Im off to comfort-drink some milk. See ya'll xxxx Current Mood: Annoyed, yet grateful its over Current Music: Verve - Lucky Man (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 10th, 2005
10:36 pm	The Quest Day 2 Today was an eventful day as well. I travelled to CARLUKE. Once there, events started to take a good turn. Setting my sword, COCKSTRONG aside, i took up a GUITAR. I found myself very able to play it, and played it along with a Band of Minstrels, who decided to help me on my quest. The were Martyn with a Y, Martin with an I, Aidan of the Forehead, and HOOCH the Unkown but Amazin. *That is, btw, the band im in lol*. Then we took refuge from the evil ALITRON in the fortress of Hannah the Wise. Perry the Pished followed and helped us. Once ther we met many brave people, such as Sir Gordon the Lanky, and Howlie the Pierced. THe agreed to help me. Then Jenkins the Tatooed came in, weilding a POWERFUL atrifact. The Sacred BLUE RED SQUARE, magical becuase it is TWO colours at once, and tastes amazin. Then i challenged Jenkins the Tatooed for it, eventually managing to swipe a good drink while he wasnt looking. Daily Questy Thing complete, i proceeded to use a Magical WEbcam to talk to people on the internet, which is of Satan apparently, and now i am sitting on my Throne, alone. Tomorrow i may have to do battle........... *Btw, today i went to carluke, pracitsed with the band, met everyone at Hannahs house, got pished, altho not rly, then acted like a fool , had fun, and went home GOodbye all xxxxxxx Current Mood: Questish Current Music: My Own Band (12 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 9th, 2005
7:44 pm	MY QUEST People, i have started a quest. It is a quest, to complete many things in my life which will make it shitloads better. FOr example, complete many things i have always wanted to do. Among these are get myself a good girlfriend, make many new friends, make glasgow better, make the catty better and maybe even slay a hippo. The way im making this a quest, is by saying for example my goals. Find the fair maiden, assemble my men, save Glasgow from evil, defeat the beast that is making the catty shite, and defeating the evil monsterus hippo. Along the way, i will log my quest. Starting today. Day 1 of Quest. Having lost my honour and having lost my fair maiden, i set out make a good life for myself. Mt quest will only be complete when i have achieved everything i want to. Set out with only ONE follower, Hannah the WIse, who is very wise, and my mighty sword, Cockstrong. It was not long before i encountered a monster. It was an ugly monster. It called me a poser because i had a picture of me with one of my friends displaying on MSN. I quickly called it a watermonkey, summoned a curse, and told it to eat me. The monster was undone, and lay down to let me and Hannah the Wise pass. Eventful first day of a quest. Current Mood: Legendish Current Music: Ye Alexisonfire (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 18th, 2005
10:21 pm	resuming ok, from the one below this, i was indecent exposing everyone my anus and my boxer shorts....ravishing. News in, i have split with Frenchy, very sadly, but life goes on regardless, so im up and about agen and no longer need a wheelchair. And now im fine agen, so, who wants to get naked :D On that note, i shall end this little topic and remind everyone that i am, in fact, writing the stories agen. THey shall grace this LJ's pages once more very soon. Farewell Minion of Steve Current Mood: worse than usual, not depresed Current Music: Rise Against, generally (Comment on this)
Friday, September 16th, 2005
10:50 pm	Severe Update WEll, this has been a bloody eventful little time. Lets start at the begginging. Stories. I ahve at least 4 ideas for new stories, thought i would write them down, keep u people hoooked lol. One is a verison of Star Wars, involving all of us as characters in it, and Storry as Darth Fatness. He makes a huge penis into a death star and shoots cum from it to destory planets. Another one is Mr.Sheen polishes Crites head until its extremely shiny, then reflects the suns rays off it to destory shit. We have to find MR.Muscle and destroy Mr. Sheen. Another ONe, GOdzilla, with us in it. And another one, where the French get carried away and attack Germany, and the two countries fuck, giving us...FRENCHANY!!!! which then becomes a big penis and tries to destroy earth. But now my socialness. I went down to Igys tonite, which was fucking amazing. It started with us sittin in a room. THen we went outside. Eventful things: WEnt outside, wrestled on Trampoline, danced, hugged people, stole Jennifers hat along with dave and ronan cos we dont like it *lol, soz jennifer* talked to Pie, cuddled people more cos it was cold, then the REAL fun began. It started wen i walked up to Ronan and dropped my trousers. Then the indecent exposeure began. Tell u all later. (Comment on this)
Monday, September 12th, 2005
9:51 pm	Dont do drugs Hi again guys, and girls. If your reading this it means your interested in my life. That must be good. So..since last time, i was in at Glasgow on saturday. AS if getting teh train in wasnt ammusing enough, thanks to a mix of howlie, dave, ronan and some lassies, and of course, teh wonderful Pie, when i got to central i met up with some others. THen me and ronan got lost, and were wanderin around. We met Gow, and Nelson, and i was chatting to them about ninjas for a bit, then me and ronan went to GAME so he could orgasm all over the PSP's there, adn tehn we got everyone else. I met the band at borders, ie: Aidan, Martin, Martyn and Ali, and me obvioulsy. And shared out some general love, then went about talking to everyone, talked to a random who is very probably called Thomas about fitting a JCB into a rocket ship. Very Cool. Then, later, me and Martin got joined through my fleece, got some very funny looks, and bet up Ali. Good times. THen we headed for The Shathouse. This is when Ronan almost got ran over by a Streetsweeper, so ronan naturally called him a wakner while Crite danced at him and i clapped and cheered. He stops the streetsweeper. "YOu want to say that to my face son?" HE asks ronan. "What?" Asks Ronan. GUy opens door. Steve naturally watches Ronans back. This is when Big Happy Old School dude walks past, tell teh guy to shut it, and closes the door on his face. Big round of appluase. By the way i hope everyone is goin to The Garage this weekend, its gonna be fucking shithot bambisto amazing. Frenchy couldnt get into the catty, it was full, so her and her completely fucking mad pal zoe went away, then agreed to get me in central after i came out. So went into catty, waited for some good punk to come on, then danced like a maniac, as i do qiute well. WEnt outside, met frenchy, walked ronan to chippy, and ran for train, after saying bye to frenchy. THen zoe chased the train and threw a dairy milk in the windae, hitting a mad tramp. We survived. Then we all went home, and Kirstin, very scarily, performed oral love on a Twister, and the girls all got changed without removing any clothes. Amazing. Well, thats about it, today, went to school, did a shit on it, came home, spent day with Dave doing silly things, end of day. New Story coming out, involves Penguins, Crites Shiny Head, Fish, and Norwegians. Bye BYe >-+0 Current Mood: Fucking Awesome Current Music: Alexisonfire - ANYTINHG (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 4th, 2005
5:08 pm	hey minions hello again everyone, I have now finsished my new story, and will paste it at the end of this little update to my life. Was in at glasgow yesterday, and met with frenchy, although very sadly i only got to cuddle her a few times before she dissapeared without saying anything. then i saw her later and she walked right by me! :O i was reasonably upset by this, but thought, oh to hell with it, catty tonight. Catty was very good, even if rachael was there, with her silly hair. Honesty is best after all, and i think it looks like ..... well, words fail me. And her little sister, who kept sayin hi, and i was like "DONT TALK TO ME!!" and she was all like "HI STEVEN!!!" and im all lke "DONT CALL ME STEVEN!!!!!!! AAAHHHHH" etc etc Bye bye, heres my recent'est story By the way Howlie, this is number 14 in the Saga of Steveland, which makes it Number 14. The Dark Carnival Chapter One – The Ross The Juggalo’s leader paced up and down in front of them. They were on a mission, to find and kill everyone who wasn’t juggalo. By doing this, the only people that remained in the world would be Juggalos. They first, however, had to destroy Glasgow. They were not doing it alone though. For one, there were over 10,000 juggalos waiting outside Glasgow, hidden. The leader was in a small underground den. Someone knocked on the door. The man got off the toilet seat and went over. “Hail, Sir Clown-ass-killer, could you please hide your penis?” “Why of course,” Said Sir Clown Ass Killer. The man who had come to see Sir CAK was none other than The Ross. “What is the situation inside?” Asked Sir CAK. “Well, Sir Fish, our leader, has declared martial street dancing, and outlawed having hair that looks like a squirrel wanking. Otherwise, fine. However, I predict you may have some problems overrunning Glasgow. You see, there are thousands of people living there, all of them dangerous, and prepared to fight to the death for their beloved country.” “But, The Ross, you will be aiding us. Wont you?” Asked Sir CAK. “Yes Sir, of course. How may I be of service.” “I want you, to kill Sir Fish. Then I want you to open the city gates. Before you open the city gates, you must scale the wall and fire THIS flare gun.” Said Sir CAK, handing him a flare gun. “Ok Sir, peace out,” And The Ross did a hand sign which spelled i.c.p in sign language. He put his Hatchet on his belt and left the bunker. There was backstabbing to be done… Sir Fish paced up and down the Chamber of Jesus. It was just a place he could think, wank, watch Cbeebies ad sing songs about cookies. It was also where his most trusted advisor lived. Sir Fish pressed the button on the back of his hand. The bin in the corner suddenly started making sounds. Sir Fish walked over to it. Suddenly a ragged, green looking thing covered in thick, matted green hair with huge bulging eyes and a barely visible mouth, burst through the bin. “COOKIE MONSTER!!!” It yelled in a hoarse voice. “Hello Monster,” Said Fish. Cookie monster suddenly stopped slapping his hands together and stopped dribbling, and disappeared back into his bin. He emerged minutes later wearing a suit, a bowler hat, and glasses. His hair was smoothed back and he has a tie on. “Hello again, Cookie Monster.” “Hello Sir Fish. I understand you would not have called me unless there was a considerable problem. What must I help you with??” Sir Fish sat down on a chair. “Cookie Monster, I am in quite a lot of trouble. Very recently, I received reports of an army massing outside my city. Although I cannot see them, hear them, or smell them, I sense them. I know that they are there.” “I feel your pain Sir Fish. Why don’t you set off the mines around the city. It would force tehm to reveal their position?” Asked Cookie Monster. “I cannot. My own people are out there. I cannot kill them. They would shout at me and take away mr.blanket. He is my only solice from this world…” Cookie Monsters eyebrow lowered again, and he resumed talking. “Well, send out your army.” “This is where the problem comes in.” Cookie Monster didn’t talk, which cued Sir Fish to go ahead. “You see, my people…spies, mainly, working for me…have told me that the people who have surrounded my are…Jigolos? Yes, something like that.” Not far away, in the underground bunker where Sir Clown Ass Killer was living, his gut stirred. Another person had called his people Jigolos. He couldn’t wait for his vengance. But it all depended on The Ross… Back in the Jesus Room section of Fish Palace (which used to be The Catty), Cookie Monster had collapsed. Sir Fish sighed and ran to him. He took a Cookie out of his pocket and Cookie Monster sniffed it gently, then sprung back up quicker than his old body looked like it could. It snatched the Cookie, gobbling it down in less than one second. “Better?” Asked Sir Fish, “Yes…” Said Cookie Monster, “now, I think you are getting Jigolos confused with Juggalos…a half clown race of vicious people. They move between worlds, first setting up a huge fanbase scouring the worlds for possible juggalos, then they massacre everyone else on that world. They use hatchets, they are very hard to kill, they give up at nothing, they like dead babies….They are an evil race. And I fear they have come to claim Glasgows people for itself. We must act quickly to avoid being massacred. They will very probably have a man inside, preparing for their attack. We must find this person.” Said Cookie Monster. Sir Fish stroked his Goatee. “Very well, I shall get my best people on it. Rest assured, the Jigolos will- “ “Juggalos, sir” Said Cookie Monster, “Yes, the Juggalos will fall.” Said Sir Fish. At that same time, anyone listening closely would have heard a strange sound. The sound 10, 000 Juggalos gritting their teeth… Dave opened the door, walking through into the dim glow of Fishes breifing room. “Evening Dave, please take a seat.” Said Sir Fish, pointing to an empty seat beside Steve. Dave sat down, taking note that pretty much everyone else was there. “Now, everyone, please pay close attention because a friend of mine is about to breif you all…” Said Sir Fish, and sat down. The bins in the corner suddenly toppled over, and a green, ragged creature leapt out, yelling: “COOKIE MONS- Oh hello there, im Cookie Monster.” It said. Pie fell out his seat. “Right chaps, down to business. Outside the city wall are –“ Scuba suddeny shouted out, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU!!!!???” “I, am Cookie Monster…I am an adviser of Sir Fish.” “Oh, well that’s ok.” Said Steve, “Go on…” Cookie Monster took a breath… “Right, outside Glasgows walls, hidden all over the joint, are around 10000 Juggalos…clowns, basically, who are intent and fanatic about masscaraing everyone in Glasgow.” “Masscara?” Asked Howlie. “The word for killing lots of people…” “Oh right, massacre!” Said Ross. “Erm…yes. Well, we think they have a man inside, here in Glasgow, working for them. We want you to root them out, understood??” “Yes, Cookie Monster, how will we do this?” “I don’t know…im…..oh my God, im choking!! AHHH ARKKK!!” Suddenly Cookie Monster fell to his knees, choking, gasping. Sir Fish and Howlie ran to help him, and started doing the Heinlich manoeuvre. Suddenly Cookie Monster gave a gasp and fell to the floor. “HE’s DEAD!!!!! NOOO!” Cried Sir Fish. Suddenly Cookie Monster got back to his feet, and spat out his own blood. “Im fine thank you, you must hurry. Go now!” Cried Cookie Monster, then everyone shouted random war cried and ran out the door before they realised they had no idea where the hell they were going. “Where are we going Cookie Monster?” “Find the agent of the Juggalos. Kill him.” “Ok.” They said , and marched off, guns and swords and shit in tow. The Ross has stayed behind… “Sir Fish, may I talk with you a minute??” “Of course, The Ross, how may I help you?” …. “Alone….” Said Ross, looking at the Cookie Monster. Cookie monster left the room. “Now Sir, if I may show you something which may concern you, look out the window…” Said The Ross. Sir Fish crossed the room to the window and looked out it. The Ross slowly pulled his hatchet from his belt and raised it above his head. Sir Fish turned around. It all happened in an instant. Sir Fish raised his arm in defence, The Ross swung the Hatchet down, and Cookie Monster burst through the door, firing his twin pistols. The Hatchet went through Sir Fish’s arm without a problem, but it stopped the swing at severing his arm. Cookie monster’s bullets hit The Ross in the back, sending him flying into the window, which held. Sir Fish, who had by now recovered and grown his arm back, then drew his stick quickly and hit The Ross with it, this time sending him flying through the window. Sir Fish took a deep breath and looked around. Suddenly the doors burst open again. Fish leapt behind a box whilst Cookie Monster drew his pistol up. IT was Steve and Pie, followed by the rest of them. “What happened?” Asked Pie. “The Ross attacked me, HE is the agent. I think he is dead.” “You think?” “He fell out the window…” Then Sir Fish turned and looked out the window. HE screamed out in anger. Everyone ran to the window and looked out. There was no-one there. The Ross has survived. Chapter 2 60 Pence The Ross dragged himself into the underground lair of Sir Clown Ass Killer. “What the hell! Get this man some first aid!!!” Cried Sir CAK, throwing the medic at him. The medic, who was in fact three inches tall and made of rocks, hit The Ross in the head, knocking him out. Three Juggalos surrounded him, and dragged him onto a chair. The Ross regained conciousness. “You failed me Ross.” Said Sir CAK. “I……..i am sorry.” “Damn right you are!” Yelled Sir CAK, and kicked him in the shin. “OW!” Cried Ross, “You hit like a girl!!” “SMELLY!!!!” Cried Sir CAK, and started pinching him. The Ross screamed. “Tell us, did Sir Fish live?” “Yes…..because of……Cookie Monster.” “Ok, I understand. Now, if I give you one more chance to prove yourself, Ross, would you take it?” “Of course, master.” “And will you succeed?” “Yes, master…” Said The Ross. “Good….now here is the plan…” Gordon stood on top of the watch tower, over the gate. It was closed. Out of the hedges and shit came a man, hobbling, blood coming off his leg, three bullets wounds in his back. “ROSS!!!!” Cried Gordon. “Gordo! I was ambushed by some Neds, let me in, please!!” He cried. “ok,” Said Gordo. He pressed the button, which opened the gates, slowly. That was when a sniper shit Gordo in the head. There was a ping as the bullet ricocheted off his fringe and Gordo raised the alarm. For there was around 10000 people in clown masks with axes charging at the gate. The gate slowly began to close. But the first ones were already through. By the time the door closed, over 3000 were inside. The Ross was one of them… At the same time, in Fish Palace. “So you think The Ross is a traitor?” Asked Ronan. “Of course, he tried to kill me…” Cookie monster, who was monitoring the video cameras, suddenly yelled at them to shush. The Ross was on the camera, coming through the gates…..accompanied by a screaming horde…..of Jigolos… “juggalo’s” Said Fish. “Oh yes, sorry.” Chapter 3 Dear Christ My Ass Hurts The Juggalos flooded through the city, overrunning everything and killing it axe style. Lots of people died…..the attack was about as expected as a virgin giving birth. And about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. There was no resistance….only slaughter… Cookie monster threw himself off the seat, pulling out his pistol. “You, you, and you, come with me, we must go and get help…The rest of you, stay here and protect Sir Fish.” With that, Cookie Monster pulled out a Cookie, and threw it against the wall. A huge portal erupted and Cookie Monster dragged Howlie, Steve and Dave through it. The portal closed. “Fuck!” Shouted Sir Fish. That was when the door burst open and a dozen odd madmen weilding axes charged through the door. Followed by a penguin…. Cookie Monster tumbled out of the portal, into a dusty town which resembled New York. “Why are we here?” Asked Dave, “We must find my allies, and get help. Time here goes slower than normal, but even then we are short of it. Hurry up, search everywhere, you will know him when you see him….” Cookie Monster suddenly scurried off. Dave and Howlie looked around. “Wasn’t Steve with us too?” “Aye, where is he?” As if in response, there was a yell of, “MY ARSE!!!!!” And then a scream. Then a gunshot. Steve staggered round the corner, clutching a gun. “Hi guys,” He said, and grinned. “What happened?” “The….children, hundreds of them, but I escaped. Their……evil…..sat.” Then Steve collapsed. Dave drew his gun. Howlie tried to draw his but realised too late his shoes were undone. He tried to draw a gun and tie them at the same time, and ended up lying on the ground with a water melon rolling around him, laughing. God knows why. Dave looked around him. He was in the centre of a small street, with one road going through it. There were houses at each side of him. With two alleys coming through them. Dave left Howlie with Steve and walked to the end of the street. He started running. There was no-one here. The houses were all the EXACT same. Suddenly Dave stopped. He began to panic. He was standing next to Steve and Howlie. The road had taken him in a circle. He ran forward agen, sprinting. He didn’t notice Steve until he fell over him. Dave got back up, and looked at the signpost. It had a single word on it. Sesame Street. “Oh…….fuck!” Said Dave, as Howlie got back up. There were children coming out of the alley ways. Evil Children. Children……from Sesame Street. Chapter 4 Sesame Street Dave raised his gun and fired. One of the hundred or so children fell. They were walking towards him, laces undone, pants on their heads, dribbling, and so on and so forth. Howlie pulled the pin on a grenade and threw it at the children. The pin hit one of the head. “FU-“ Began Howlie, before the grenade blew him to shit. Steve suddenly awoke. “DAVE! Whats happening!” He cried, “They want to kill us, I think.” Steve drew his gun and started firing. The alley way behind them suddenly opened up. More children stumbled out. Steve fired at them, Dave at the others, but they kept coming, there were too many of them. Suddenly a HUGE white thing fell on them with a “splat!” noise, wiping them out. There was a flash of yellow and a fucking huge bird landed near them. “Big Bird….” Said Steve, smiling. Cookie Monster was on his back. They had found him. Now they had to get out. “Cookie Monster, how do we get out?” Asked Dave. Cookie Monster took out a cookie. Suddenly there was a flash of white and the cookie was blasted out of his hand. Standing at the other end of the street, was Cookie Monster. But it wasn’t, it was a young man, who was extremely confident about everything he did. And he had a penis attached to his head. It was firing at them. “Cocky Monster! The Dickhead! My Arch Nemesis!!!” Cried Cookie Monster. “RUN!” Cried Big Bird, who squeezed, and shat all over Cocky Monster. Cocky Monster screamed and ran for them. Cookie Monster threw a cookie against a wall and Big Bird charged through it. The portal sealed behind them, and they were back in Fish’s chamber. Now several mad axe men were charging at them, led by a penguin. Big Bird shat on them all, and they screamed and ran away as the acid in his shit eat into them. The penguin didn’t move. The shit hadnt even touched it. “Oh my god….Penguin. The most evil monster to ever walk to Earth.” Said Cookie Monster. The Penguin fastened its little tie, put on its bowler hat, and with speed amazing for a penguin, pulled out a pistol and shot Cookie Monster. Then it just wasn’t there. It had teleported. “COOKIE MONSTER!!” Cried Sir Fish, and ran for him. Cookie Monster was bleeding heavily. “Who knows First Aid!?” Creid Fish, “I do!” Cried Martin. Martin ran forward. “Cookie, don’t die!” Cried Fish. “I must…my time is almost spent……please, Sir Fish, do as I say…..get the laxative….from the highest…..building….Big Bird….shit on……Jigolos……sat.” Then Cookie Monster lay back down, gently breathing. “YOU AINT DYING BITCH!!!” Screamed Martin, and hit Cookie Monster in the chest so hard his entire body shot into the air. Cookie Monster gasped and flopped to the ground. “AND AGAIN!!!” Cried Martin, thwacking him. There was a crack as Cookie Monster’s ribs broke. “OK, kiss of life time!” Martin started giving him the kiss of life. Then thwacking him in the chest again. Then he slapped Cookie Monster, and eventually got up, and kicked him in the head. Suddenly Cookie Monster leapt to his feet. HE was alive. “HOLY FUCK!!!” Cried Pie, “That should have killed me.” Said Cookie Monster. “So whats the deal with the penguin, and everything. We have to stop the Jigolos before they kill us all. Their halfway through the city, everyone is hiding.” Asked Igy. “Well, we have to go to the highest building here, which is Euro Hostel, with some laxitive, and I mean maximum strength shit, so Big Bird can shit on them and kill them all.” Nobody said anything, they all just accepted Cookie Monster was mad and got to work. “So where will we find these laxative?” Asked Martyn. “Errrr, in the Herbal Chemist?” “That’s in the galleries.” “Lets go then,” Said Pie, and everyone followed him. Dave, Steve, Pie, Martin, Martyn, Igy, Perry, Ronan, Cookie Monster, Sir Fish, Aidan, Gordon, and Jesus marched down the hallway. Jesus had cart wheeled out in front of them and joined them. They ran outside, and headed for The Galleries. They ran up past Gregs, past that mad shoe shop, and into the Galleries. Far away, war cried could be heard. They burst into the Galleries, taking it in. This was where around 1000 people lived now, but the shops still had stuff in them. “Everyone, go for the chemist, fill your pockets, and run.” They did, and charged back outside. That was when 50 Juggalos charged past, yelling about axes and family. Jesus marched to the front, and pulled out a gun. It looked like a paintball gun. He fired once and there was a deathly silence, nothing happened….then: “SAT!!! FUCKING BOOOOOOOM!!!!” There was a huge explosion, and the Juggalos were turned into red mist. Jesus put away the gun, and they ran for Euro Hostel. They ran past the Cinema, past Costa, which Steve had burned down. Past Anne Summers, which was now a very popular store. Past TK MAX, which was now a whore house. Past Pizza Hut, which was now owned by fat people. And then ran down towards Mcdonalds. They reached it, and seen Central. There were hundreds of Juggalos there, occupying it. Just then, some fool, God Knows Who, had got to the announcment system, and told everyone that now was the time to charge from your hiding places and turn away the invaders. It could not have been a worse time. They sprinted now, the Juggalos having seen them and running after them, down past the Gay Clinic, and towards Euro Hostel. Little did they know that an unlikely chain of events was about to take place… Chris was one of the people who had been hiding and heard the announcment. Assuming the military was now winning, he grabbed a metal pipe, and charged out. Several others followed him. He burst the door down, expecting not much of a fight. Then he seen the 60 Juggalos staring at him and the 6 others. “Erm….Hi guys?” He asked. The Juggalos charged. Chris swung the pipe and clonked one on the head with it. It made a very satisfying noise and the juggalo fell to the ground. Two more had cornered him, he raised the pipe to block an axe blow, but the pipe cracked in two. Two very sharp pieces. He threw one and it went through a Juggalos throat, and stabbed the other one in the kidneys. Some of the other 6 screamed as the axes hit them. Chris seen Mikey charge out, with no weapon. “You think YOU’RE it!? You obviously don’t realise that I AM IT!!!” And he nutted one of them. The juggalos realised they were only going to get hurt and ran away. Then 200 of them charged. “Oh, god.” Said Chris. Mikey grabbed an axe. The rest of them ran. Osama Bin Laden had been in hiding ever since George Bush had killed his goats. How had he escaped this long? Because of Euro Hostel. HE had stayed there under the alias of Binsama O’Laden, an Irish man. HE shaved the beard and wore some jeans, and no-one suspected anything. He thought he was safe from the invaders in his EURO HOSTEL hide away, but that was when a group of teenagers, Cookie Monster, a huge fucking yellow turkey, Jesus and Sir Fish charged through. Moments later there was a huge amount of Clown Men with axes running by. Osama grabbed his AK, a few bombs, and walked out to find out WTF was going on. Chapter 5 The Mad Bit At The End Steve burst through the door onto the roof. Big Bird followed, stopped, then pointed his ass to the sky. “Give me the laxative.” He said. “Everyone! Search your pockets! Get the laxitave!!” Everyone did. “Oh fuck it, we havent enough time for this, the Juggalos will be here any second now! Give him everything!” So they did. Now, the results of combining Viagra, Laxative, Aspirin, Cough Medecine, Something to soothe Thrush and a Contraceptive Pill, are not pretty. The Juggalos were about to find this out. Big Birds eyeballs almost popped trying to squeeze everything out at once. Then it all happened. Osama Bin Laden charged out, and threw a bomb, the Door burst open, and Juggalos charged out, Jesus fired his gun at them, the bomb blew up, and Big Bird let go. The explosion shook the very earth….. The Juggalos were vaporised, Big Bird had exploded and now the acid shit was going fucking everywhere. Chris and Mikey had almost died, but the Juggalos were vaporised by some acid shit. Osama got shot. And Steve suddenly lost his virginity. Although he never did figure out how, or who with. And it was over. Only 3 people had ACTUALLY died, about 7 were injured, and everyone else was only slightly high. The City was still in one piece, and the Shit evaporated and because it was Herbal, it smelled quite nice anyway. The Juggalos all died, apart from 2. Sir ClownAssKiller…. And The Ross. Both escaped, promising that the Juggalos would return one day, to which Sir Fish replied, “Shit Razor Blades.” And shot them with jesus’s gun. Sir ClownAssKiller was killed, but The Ross survived, and changed his name to Ainsley Harriet, and now has a succesful acting career. But back to the story, The Ross was out there, somewhere….as were more Juggalos……and Cocky Monster…..and that fucking Penguin……. To Be Continued….. Current Mood: very good Current Music: Unholy COnfession - Avenged Sevenfold (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 28th, 2005
8:34 pm	hello again my loyal minions......this has been an .......... ohhhh, interesting week :D. For one, at the start of the week, i wasnt feeling too good. That night i was sick, and had headaches and everythin. My first thought, when i had a temperature, wasL OH my GOD< SUMONE IS SHOOTING ME WITH A LASER GUN!!! or OH MY GOD, IM STUCK INSIDE A TOASTER!!!! but no, i had a fever. I later found out it was simply flu, after i had got up that night to go to the toilet, and started hallucinating. FOr one i kept imaginging my mum was standing about... 10 yards awawy from me, jsut staring, like that mad wee girl out the ring. :(, and then i went INTO the toilet and the bowl kept swirling, but i never missed. Then i went back to bed, and honest to jesuses first pube, i thought there was someone else sleeping in it. I was quite scared but then i fell over and my bg sister woke up, and got me water and everythin. Then i was fine. This lastes 4 days, sadly :( and stopped me going into glasgow. But im all better now, in time for bloody school. As well as this, and i havent mentioned this till now, i met this chick, one of declans friends, called francesca, about.......ooh three weeks ago, after i started talking to her about breastmilk. She seemed quite a nice person and after adding her on msn, found out she ACTUALLY thinks like me. :D, which is amazingly kool. After which, realising i really really liked her, decided to ask her out :D. TO which she said : hahaha, you fat german prick, no, i refuse! go eat cake!!! Then i sed: im not fat or german :O. and she sed: oh, your steve arent u? and i sed : yes, i am steve. and she sed; yes i will :D, and ther was me thinking u wer a fat german. *note* may not actually be true, but she did say yes :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D so yeeehaw!!!! everythings better now, i recoevered from my man periods as well. So farewell, everybody, until another time, As for more useless lists, can anyone think of what you can shove in a toaster, apart from bread and rolls??? Current Mood: AMAZING Current Music: Supermans Dead - That canadian band (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 21st, 2005
10:52 pm	aaah i return i am back, i may say. Past week or so, very eventful. For one, i started back school, which was good fun, strangely. THen came the REAL adventure....CAMPING. Me, my dad, a dog called Tarn and drew nicol, you know, the guy from the techy department? and Rachael, my ex, her little sister, her dad, her mum, and drews wife, ALL went camping, IN THE SAME TENT!!!!! I suspect i have created a NEw disease, its a mix of all the STDs and its called, GHONOREAIDSYPHILYTICWARTISHNASTYNOBROT.... And it sucks. So we went, i got my own sort of room, and then, wen i was ALMOST sleeping, the dog came in and tried to pull me. It did NOT suceed. Then i came home. AND FOUND OUT I HAD A WEBCAM!!! YAAAAS. First thing i did, take pics of ME, then show everyone it on MSN, then record myself, wearing toilet paper on my head. YOu can see this free of charge, just look at my msn display picture :D:D Also, on camping trip, my dad suspected i was going out with rachael, AGAIN.... Lets be frank here, i would rather tounge a tramp. AND, i threw stuff at turkeys, and it went mental at me. I have resumed my writing hobies agen, expect another story shortly, posted on here of course :D. In this onem, there is a HUGE plot twist, involving cookies, fish, clowns, and toilet roll. ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!! Dont wet urselfs... Scuba Steve Current Music: White Stripes - My Doorbell (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
10:46 pm	i have, sadly, lost my motivation to keep writing stories, BECAUSE MY PC CRASHED GODDAMN JESUS AND HIS FUCKING DOG!!!! so im taking a small break until EVERYONE who has one of my stories sends me it back, then i will continue. bye bye (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 9th, 2005
11:14 pm	how much i hate amy Words alone cannot provide a good enough explanation of this. But i will try. This is why i hate amy: lets see how many points Steve can think of. Please feel free to comment with your own :D 1. Shes ginger. 2. She get a boyfriend and wont even kiss them. 3. She doesnt change her underwear. 4. Shes ginger. 5. She phones and says: "I need to talk to you about something." So i will say: "Ok amy, what is it," AND THEN SHE REFUSES TO TELL YOU!! WHAT A WELLY!!!! 6. She cant make pieces. 7. She WANTS to be Kirsty. 8. She STILL fancies Ronan. We all know it. Poor Ronan, our thoughts are with him. Il leave it ther for now (8 Comments |Comment on this)